Effin (sidekickboy) wrote in decapolis,

  • Music:

In important letter. We CAN make a difference!

Hey, I've decided to become a deeply concerned community activist because there's a lot of fame and money in it, I hear. So my best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with this girl who saw this guy pass out at the 31 Flavors, and he gave her this letter as his dying wish. I guess he's got another thirty or forty years at least, so he already wasted his dying wish, but what's the use unless you see it's culmination, right?

So if you or anyone you know has connections, please do something! I care very deeply for this person!


To the estate of Winston Churchill, or anyone who can help,

My name is Roland E. Potshot, and I have a problem. I am always confusing your respected and, I am made to understand, bald former Fellow of the Royal Society and horse owner (including one named Comma) known as Winston Churchill with my French Bulldog, Winston Churchall.
Obviously, this is a problem. I have often been embarassed with friends in public restaurants, when I,thinking we were all admiring my dog (he has very perky ears), would spout off something like, "My Winston never lost a naval battle at Coronel off of Chile in 1914 when he was First Lord of the Admiralty!!!" only to discover they were talking about your Winston Churchill all along. My dog wasn't even alive back then.
Because of this, I've been kicked out of many fine establishments, I even lost my membership at Sam's Club, for telling the lady in front of me in line that I had to get my Winston Churchall neutered. And now I just can't deal with it anymore. That's why I'm writing this letter:
Will you please change Winston Churchill's name? I know posthumous name changes are uncommon, but I don't think he'd mind. It was Winston Churchill who said, "Mr. Editor, I leave when the pub closes." I'm sure a guy like that would also say, "Yeah, go ahead."
Please change his name. I'd change my Winston Churchall's, but I've been calling him that for three years now, and he won't come by any other utterance (his name used to be Mother, until she sued me).
Will you consider changing Winston Churchill's name, please? I might suggest Laquisha & the Mighty Legion of Shrieking Wombats, Mr. Biggles, or perhaps Micrasoft. Either one will do. Of course, he's your man of history, so you can choose any name you deem fit (except for Roland E. Potshot, please. I have enough trouble with the press as it is).

I'll be looking for new, altered history books and news articles in the near future. Thank you. Winston says "Arf."

I love what Winston Churchill did to improve the way heavy drinkers are viewed, worldwide!

Roland E. Potshot
Winston Churchall
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